She Sounds Fine

A poem that I wrote a couple of weeks ago during a time of experiencing some particularly dark emotions. This is based on my experience as someone with mental health challenges/conditions and how this is disability for me both in my personal and professional spaces. It is inspired by the times it can be so difficult to ask for help in fear of other’s judgements and shame from previous experience of reaching out for help. And of course, as someone who recognises herself to be very high functioning, unfortunately, it can actually take burnout and very low mental health to realise when too much is too much. I ask if you are reading this that if you feel/have a slight thought that you may be putting too much onto someone (whether that’s pressure, workload or expectations to deliver or perform), please consider that they themselves might not know how much is too much until they are in the thick of it. And by then, it can often be extremely challenging and bit too late for someone like myself to see the benefit of reaching out. You might think they sound ‘fine’ initially, but keep talking and keep communicating to be aware of how people are doing in the moment. This does not mean you have to take any more on yourself at all, it just means it is important to schedule in the time to have conversations where you check in with one another, where practices are put in for prevention, not intervention when it gets to breaking point. Yes, it requires work from the individual struggling too, I do not doubt that at all from personal experience. However, please be mindful that they may be re-living previous trauma, abuse or distressing circumstances in their minds that they might not recognise their needs (even with all the professional medical/therapeutic help in the world). Avoid any shame. So much love to anyone who is experiencing similar or of course any challenges that just feel too much at the moment ❤

She sounds fine.

She functions.

Yet inside she is dying.

The little girl, so scared.

She still exists, and is screaming for help.

But her elder outer woman doesn’t know how to ask.

Every time she mentions something, she’s scared and ashamed she might be locked up.

Then when the feeling’s over again…she gets back to life.

But the cycle never ends.

She knows she must ask for help.

But who to trust? Who to call for?

Who will actually listen and not judge? Not put any shame on her for expressing how she feels? 

Even if those feelings are from a very dark place and the truth. 

Stigma’s sting in the tail strikes her every time she attempts to speak up. 

People’s normalisation and ‘get on with it, you seem fine, you’re not at risk’ attitude .

Though she is scared to raise her voice as she knows her sting in the tail is the most powerful of all.

Perhaps it’s time though. Perhaps it’s time to just accept what comes out of her mouth as she asks for help. No shame. 

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